Proverbs 21:9 (NKJV) Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
Can you imagine living in a home that is full of contention? A contentious person can either be a man, woman, husband or wife. When there is contention in the family, the atmosphere will be so tense that you can almost cut it with a knife. We must be careful not to be someone who is controlling or keeps “mothering” our spouse. When we are contentious then we are constantly picking on the weaknesses and faults of the spouse. It will seem as though whatever one spouse does will never satisfy nor reach the standard set by the other spouse. There will be no peace in the home and we are the cause of it. God has nothing to do with it. It is purely the work of the flesh if you are a born-again Christian. We should stop the strife! Venting our anger, frustration and discontentment will not change a person. It will only drive the other person further away from us. Words tear down and destroy the person even if the person doesn’t retaliate and chooses to suffer in silence. We will reap what we have sown. The marriage will never be good nor intimate because of all the words that have been spoken. It destroys the atmosphere in the home. We need to restore the atmosphere in the home so that it is filled with peace and love by being a peacemaker!
1 Peter 3:7 (NKJV) Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.
There is no perfect marriage because we are imperfect people living in a broken world. We will need to constantly work on our differences until we die but there will be fewer differences as we work on them and grow old together. When we choose to walk in the spirit, it means that we will choose not to be offended by the remarks and behaviors of the other person but choose to forgive and love instead. It is difficult, since it involves a lot of dying to the flesh and not allowing our emotions to get the better of us. This is painful because we want to fight back. It is during such moments that we need to deny ourselves and pick up the cross to follow Christ! Avoid giving the cold shoulder treatment or entering into a prolonged cold war. Sometimes, we contribute to the contention by refusing to work on the issues or intentionally doing exactly what we know our spouse dislikes. If we intentionally press these buttons that will trigger a reaction, then there will be no peace at home!
We should work towards being peacemakers and bridle our tongues! Learn to see all the good qualities in your spouse. They will possess some qualities that we do not possess. Follow God’s example! Remember, God who is the peacemaker did not wait for us to be perfect before sending Jesus to redeem us from our sins. Instead He chose to love us while we were yet sinners. We should not wait for others to change but instead desire for a change in our own behavior. Give no place to the devil.
Sermon Series: Peacemaker
勒住自己的舌头
箴言 21:9 宁可住在房顶的角上，不在宽阔的房屋与争吵的妇人同住。
你能想象生活在一个充满争吵的家庭里吗？喜欢争吵的人可以是男人、女人、丈夫或是妻子。当家中发生争吵时，气氛会紧绷的使你几乎可以用刀子划开它。我们必须要小心，不要成为一个喜欢控制或一直像“母亲”般过度呵护干涉我们配偶的人。当我们争吵时，我们会不断地挑剔配偶的缺点和过错。无论其中一方配偶做什么，似乎都永远无法满足或达到另一方所设定的标准，如此家里不会有安宁，而我们是其中的原因，神与此无关。你若是一个重生的基督徒，这纯然是属于肉体的行为。我们应当停止纷争！发泄我们的怒气、懊恼和不满并不会改变一个人，这只会使对方与我们渐行渐远。即便对方没有作出反击而是选择默默地忍受，言语也会伤害并摧毁他。我们种的是什么，收的也是什么。这段婚姻将不再美好也不亲密，皆因所有说出口的话。争吵破坏了家中的气氛。我们要做一个使人和睦的人，使家里的气氛得着修复，好让家中充满了平安与爱！
彼得前书 3:7 你们作丈夫的也要按情理（原文是知识）和妻子同住；因她比你软弱（比你软弱：原文作是软弱的器皿），与你一同承受生命之恩的，所以要敬重她。这样，便叫你们的祷告没有阻碍。
没有完美的婚姻，因为我们乃是活在一个破碎世界里的不完全的人。我们需要不断地为我们与配偶之间的分歧，努力沟通协调，直到我们去世的那日为止。然而，随着我们的共同努力至白头偕老，我们与配偶之间的分歧会越来越少。当我们选择行在灵里，这意味着我们将选择不被对方的言论所冒犯，而是选择宽恕和爱。这是很困难的，因为涉及到很多的向肉体而死的舍己，不让我们的情感与情绪来控制我们。这是很痛苦的，因为我们想要反击。而正是在这样的时刻，我们需要舍己并背起十字架跟随基督！要避免冷漠相待或进入长期冷战。有时候，我们因不愿解决问题，进而加剧了争论，或者故意去做明知配偶不喜欢的事。我们若蓄意去按那些能引发对方起反应的痛点，那么家中将不得安宁！
我们要努力成为使人和睦的人，并勒住自己的舌头！要学会看到你们配偶身上所有的优点，他们会拥有一些我们所不具备的品格。要效法神的榜样！记住，使人和睦的 神并没有等到我们完全了，才差遣主耶稣将我们从罪恶过犯中救赎出来。相反的，当我们还作罪人的时候，神已选择来爱我们。不要等待别人改变，而是先愿自己的行为能有所改变。不要给魔鬼留地步。
讲章系列：使人和睦的人