1 Timothy 5:14 (NKJV) Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
Whose role will it be to be the main care giver to the baby or the children? In modern time, this is one of the most challenging decisions because of individualism, identity in the corporate world, career advancement, etc. Nobody will willingly lay down their rights to build their career.
An important role of women found in the Scripture is to look after the children and manage the house, even though they may be also good at managing the business or career. Nobody is able to replace the mother. Someone has to teach the children biblical, moral and ethical values at home so that the children will be brought up well. This is especially true during the formative years of their lives while they are teachable to listen to you. We are able to witness in some countries where the walls in the public places, the bus stop, the underpass, the metro are all sprayed with graffiti. Children who are taught well will not go about destroying public properties. These are signs of lack of parental guidance.
It is important to establish between your spouse and you how decisions are to be made.
Ephesians 5:21 (NKJV) Submitting to one another in the fear of God.
Sometimes there will be unnecessary quarrels because of decisions that are made unilaterally. The husband should listen to the concern of the wife and take time to discuss. We need to even hold back the decision until both of you are comfortable to move forward. This includes taking time to consecrate your lives to God and to walk in His will. You may have discussed about that there is no need to seek your spouse agreement in the amount of money you can spend. However, there are many items, especially big or critical decisions, that need absolute agreement from the heart before a decision is made.
For example, what is the choice of child-rearing practices? Who makes the decision for the kind of school that the children will attend? What is the cost and distance from home? What is the school’s education standard? Who knows better about the school system? Similarly, we may ask questions about investment. It should be a joint decision when it comes to big amount. Someone has the better business acumen but it is the best to have consultation with spouse as it is a joint account. Leave no room for the devil to attack the marriage over money and possessions.
Use the different types of personalities for the common benefit. For instance, the person who is more detailed should have the role to ensure that all the contracts are thoroughly read before signing on the dotted line. The skill of the Christian marriage lies in the negotiation and assignment of these leadership roles on the basis of the abilities of the partners. The role is not gender bias but it is decided based on the mutual agreement during the discussion. In this administrative aspect it works on mutual submission as compared to spiritual leadership. Of course, the husband should take the spiritual leadership, but in the event when he slacks in the role, it is the wife who has to call him back to take it up. Submit to one another in the fear of God and be effective decision-makers!
Sermon Series: Before You Say I Do
在抉择中寻求和谐
提摩太前书 5:14 所以我愿意年轻的寡妇嫁人，生养儿女，治理家务，不给敌人辱骂的把柄。
谁的角色是主要来照顾婴儿或孩子？在现今的时代，这是一个最具挑战性的决定，因为个人主义，在公司里的身份，职业发展等等。没人会心甘情愿地放下建立自己事业的权利。
圣经中提到女性的重要责任是照顾孩子和管理家务，即使她们有管理生意或职业的才干。没有谁能替代母亲。总要有人在家里教导孩子圣经、道德和伦理价值观，让孩子们得到良好的教养。这在他们性格形成的年岁中尤其如此，因为这个时候的他们愿意接受教导也听从你。我们都见过在一些国家，那儿的公共场合的墙上，汽车站，地下信道，地铁站都被涂鸦。有良好教养的孩子不会去毁坏公共财产。这些就是缺乏父母引导的记号。
重要的是在你们夫妻之间好好沟通，做出彼此同意的决定。
以弗所书 5:21 又当存敬畏基督的心，彼此顺服。
有时不必要的争吵来自于决策只由其中一人决定。丈夫应该倾听妻子的担心并花时间讨论。直到你们双方都能愉快认同这个提案前，不要轻易作出抉择；这需要先将你们的时间分别为圣奉献给神，行在祂的旨意中。你们可能已经讨论过什么时候或者多少额度的消费之下，并不需要配偶先行同意。即使如此，有许多事项，尤其是重大的或关键的决定，作出抉择之前仍需要夫妻两人彼此认可。
例如，选择什么样的育儿方式？谁决定让孩子去怎样的学校？学校的开支及与离家的距离？学校教育的标准是什么？谁更了解学校的体制？同样，对于投资我们也要问些问题。对于大额度的投资需要共同做出决定。或许其中一方比较有商业头脑，但提及共同账户时，最好仍要先与配偶协商，不给魔鬼在金钱和财产上留有破口来攻击婚姻。
善用彼此个性的差异来创造双赢。例如，一个追求细节的人，可以负责确保所有的合同在签字前都仔细审查过。基督徒婚姻的巧妙，是根据配偶能力来协商和进行分工。角色不是依据性别决定，而是经过讨论、在双方都同意的基础上决定的。而在实际生活上，与其说看谁是属灵领袖，不如彼此顺服。当然，丈夫应该担当属灵的领袖，但当他松懈下来时，妻子必须提醒丈夫把他挽回。夫妻敬畏上帝，彼此顺服，就能做出有果效的抉择！
讲章系列：步入红毯之前
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