1 Corinthians 7:3-5 (NKJV) Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
The three reasons for sex within marriage are procreation, communication, and pleasure. Therefore, it is good to have a healthy sex life within marriage. However, there are many sexless marriages today.
What the Apostle Paul is advocating in this passage is a healthy sex life within marriage. He is saying that both the husband and wife can initiate sex within the marriage because God has designed us to have a desire for each other within the marriage. The only time to abstain from sex is when we are fasting and praying. Once we have ended the praying and fasting, we should resume sexual activity within the marriage.
Unfortunately, sex within a marriage has been weaponised when there is a conflict between the couple. Sex within a marriage should not be viewed as a reward or something to be earned, but a natural expression of love between the couple. By weaponising sex, the devil has taken advantage of the situation and caused tremendous damage to the relationship. This is why the Bible says we must not allow anger to simmer but to forgive one another before the day ends (Ephesians 4:26). When we feel angry, offended, and bitter towards each other or when our emotions are not in the right place, it is challenging to have sexual intimacy.
While a long-distance courtship is acceptable, a married couple should not live apart for more than a month after marriage. A married couple should live in the same city or country because the priorities are God, then family, and lastly work.
God created for Adam a helper, Eve, because it was not good for Adam to be alone. God’s plan was for them to be one flesh. A married couple is one flesh, not merely in physical union, but in their goals, direction, will, emotions, mind, and spirit. They move through life together as a single entity.
We are to leave our parents and cleave to our spouse when we marry (Genesis 2:24). We marry out of love for each other; we have developed from Phileo love to Agape love, and always climax with Eros love. Sex is meant to be enjoyed within marriage as an expression of love—our love for God and each other.
Reflection: Have you let unresolved anger, offence or bitterness affect the intimacy with your spouse? How is the Holy Spirit prompting you to pursue reconciliation and restore closeness in your marriage?
Sermon Series: As a Man Thinks in His Heart So is He
灵里与亲密关系中的合一
哥林多前书 7:3-5 丈夫当用合宜的爱待妻子；妻子待丈夫也要如此。妻子没有权柄主张自己的身体，乃在丈夫；同样，丈夫也没有权柄主张自己的身体，乃在妻子。夫妻不可彼此亏负，除非双方同意暂时分房，为要专心禁食祷告；以后仍要同房，免得撒但趁着你们情不自禁，引诱你们。
婚姻中的性生活主要有三个目的：生育、沟通与享受。因此，在婚姻关系中拥有健康的性生活是美好的。然而，现今社会中却存在许多无性生活的婚姻。
使徒保罗在这段经文中所倡导的，正是在婚姻里建立健康的性生活。他指出，夫妻双方都可以主动表达亲密的需求，因为神原本就将彼此渴慕的心放在婚姻关系中。唯一适合暂时停止性生活的时候，是夫妻同心禁食祷告之时；而当禁食祷告结束后，夫妻应当恢复正常的亲密关系。
遗憾的是，当夫妻发生冲突时，性生活常常被当作一种“武器”来使用。事实上，婚姻中的亲密关系不应被视为奖赏，也不应成为需要争取或赚取的东西，而应当是夫妻彼此相爱的自然流露。当人用性生活来操控、惩罚或报复对方时，魔鬼便有机会趁虚而入，对婚姻关系造成极大的伤害。因此，圣经教导我们不要让怒气停留太久，而要在日落之前彼此饶恕（以弗所书 4:26）。当夫妻之间充满愤怒、受伤、苦毒，或情绪处于不健康的状态时，自然很难建立真正的亲密关系。
恋爱期间异地交往或许可以接受，但婚后夫妻长期分居却不符合神对婚姻的心意。一般而言，婚后夫妻不应长期分开生活，最好能够居住在同一个城市或国家。因为人生优先次序应当是：神第一，家庭第二，工作第三。
神为亚当创造了帮助者夏娃，因为神看见人独居不好。神对婚姻的设计，是要夫妻成为“一体”。夫妻成为一体，不仅仅是身体上的结合，更是在目标、方向、意志、情感、思想以及灵命上的合一。他们在人生旅程中彼此同行，如同一个整体共同前进。
圣经教导我们，结婚时要离开父母，与配偶连合（创世记 2:24）。我们因爱而进入婚姻，从弟兄般的友爱（Phileo）成长到舍己的爱（Agape），并在夫妻之爱（Eros）中达到亲密关系的高峰。性生活是神赐给婚姻的礼物，应当在婚姻中被珍惜和享受。它不仅是夫妻彼此相爱的表达，也是对神所设立婚姻制度的尊荣与回应。
默想：你是否曾让未解决的愤怒、伤害或苦毒影响了你与配偶之间的亲密关系？圣灵此刻正在如何引导你主动寻求和好，修复关系，并重新建立婚姻中的亲密与合一呢？
讲章系列：你的思想，塑造你的生命