Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV) And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 5:24-25 (NKJV) Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,
A marriage can easily become toxic when two highly individualistic people live together, each refusing to give up their rights, privileges, and conditions. The conflict can begin with harsh words and even escalate to physical violence. Christian marriages can also be affected if the couple does not know how to walk in the Spirit and rein in the flesh. God’s will is for us to live in peace and harmony in marriage.
Love, children, sex, and feelings are not the ultimate reasons to stay married. Though they are important, the key reason is covenant commitment—the commitment to uphold the marriage covenant. It is a conscious decision to stay together despite the challenges. It is reflected in the marriage vow spoken at the altar, with God as the witness.
God desires us to be gentle, kind, tenderhearted, and forgiving, as Christ forgave us. We should love our spouses as we love ourselves, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. This is an Agape love that seeks the good of our loved ones. We need to live our lives by yielding to the Lordship of Christ and the work of the Holy Spirit, doing what God’s Word says, because our flesh will resist the Holy Spirit’s prompting and teaching.
We need to recognise that every husband and wife enters marriage carrying years of mental, emotional, and spiritual baggage. When two unique individuals begin living as one, many adjustments are required, because marriage naturally creates opportunities for old ‘emotional suitcases’ to pop open—revealing the good, the bad, and the ugly of our past. At times, certain words or actions may trigger reactions that feel disproportionate, shaped by past experiences. Our unresolved baggage can form strongholds that dictate how we react, defend ourselves, or even attack—based on preconceived ideas that blur our judgement.
Marriage is a covenant in the eyes and mind of God. Because of this covenant, husband and wife are made one—they are one flesh. Together, they face life as partners. Covenant partners do not tear each other down with words or actions, for no one intentionally harms their own body. A covenant foundation is the only secure ground on which a joyful, fulfilling, and enduring marriage can be built.
Reflection: How is the Holy Spirit calling you to live out covenantal love in your daily life—in words and in actions? What intentional steps can you take, whether married or single, to prepare your heart so that your expectations and behaviour reflect God’s design for covenant relationships?
Sermon Series: As a Man Thinks in His Heart So is He
以约之爱而活
以弗所书 4:32 并要以恩慈相待，存怜悯的心，彼此饶恕，正如神在基督里饶恕了你们一样。
以弗所书 5:24-25 教会怎样顺服基督，妻子也要怎样凡事顺服丈夫。你们做丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，正如基督爱教会，为教会舍己，
婚姻很容易因两个高度强调个人主义的人同住而变得充满张力，各自坚持自己的权利、利益与条件，不愿让步。冲突可能从言语的伤害开始，甚至升级为肢体上的暴力。若夫妻不懂得顺服圣灵、约束肉体，基督徒婚姻同样会受到影响。神的旨意是让我们在婚姻中活出平安与和睦。
维系婚姻的终极理由，并不只是爱、孩子、性或情感。虽然这些都很重要，但更关键的是“约”的委身——持守婚姻盟约的承诺。这是一种有意识的决定：无论遇到什么困难，都选择继续同行。这体现在婚礼上所立的誓言中，并有神作为见证。
神呼召我们以温柔、恩慈、怜悯与饶恕彼此相待，正如基督在祂里面饶恕了我们。我们也当以爱自己一样的心去爱配偶，如同基督爱教会并为她舍己。这是一种 神圣（Agape）之爱，是寻求所爱之人益处的爱。我们需要将生命交托于基督的主权，并顺服圣灵的工作与引导，照着神的话去行，因为我们的肉体常常抵挡圣灵的提醒与教导。
我们也需要认识到，每一位丈夫和妻子进入婚姻时，往往都带着多年累积的心理、情感与属灵的“包袱”。当两个独特的个体开始共同生活成为“一体”时，需要大量的调整与适应。婚姻本身会不断制造机会，使过去的“情绪行李箱”被打开，显露出我们过去生命中的美好、破碎与阴影。有时，某些话语或行为会触发看似过度的反应，其实是源于过往经验的影响。未被处理的伤痛与包袱可能形成坚固营垒，影响我们的反应方式，使我们以防御甚至攻击来回应，模糊了判断。
在神的眼中，婚姻是一种盟约。因此，夫妻在神面前被联结为一体——成为“二人成为一体”。他们作为伙伴共同面对人生。在盟约中的伴侣不会用言语或行为彼此拆毁，因为没有人会故意伤害自己的身体。以“约”为根基，是建立喜乐、满足且持久婚姻的唯一稳固基础。
默想：
圣灵正在如何引导你，在日常生活中以“盟约之爱”活出来——无论是在言语还是行为上？无论你已婚或单身，你可以采取哪些有意识的步骤来预备自己的心，使你的期待与行为更符合神对盟约关系的设计？
讲章系列：你的思想，塑造你的生命