Ephesians 5:15-17 (NKJV) See then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be unwise, but understand what the will of the Lord is.
Everyone wants to have a fabulous wedding celebration and to live happily ever after through a blessed marriage relationship. However, the days are evil because we have seen many broken marriages across society. A practice that was once considered taboo has now become widely accepted. The days are evil because some use marriage as leverage for a better life, and many cohabit out of lust rather than love.
The emotional and psychological harm caused by divorce leaves children with decades of pain; the insecurity, fear, and pain from abandonment and a lack of role models can lead to complicated relationships later in life unless they find Christ. Therefore, it is unwise to assume that children will just grow out of it and be fine, and it is selfish to avoid working through issues in marriage, because no couple or marriage is perfect in this fallen and broken world.
Those who are still courting must possess the maturity to handle conflicts and resolve differences effectively. If you are immature, selfish, individualistic, self-centred, and calculative, it is better to wait until you are ready to embrace an imperfect person as your spouse. There will be many surprises after the wedding, including potential emotional baggage, shortcomings, illnesses, and many unforeseen circumstances that will require you to journey with your spouse. Individualism is the death of marriage. You should also remember that it is not possible to change the person unless God intervenes, and that the person is willing to change.
Every person is unique. It is a fantasy to expect to change someone after marriage or to assume it will happen quickly. You will become very frustrated if you think you can change your spouse after the wedding. Remember, you are only truly ready for marriage if you accept that it will be a journey of many give-and-takes, compromises, embracing flaws, and constantly extending grace because consecration is a lifelong process for both parties. We should not deceive ourselves into believing we can improve reconciliation after marriage if we cannot do so before. Thus, courtship should not be too brief, and one should only enter an arranged marriage after at least knowing the person and having the opportunity to experience differences and work through the process of reconciliation.
As Christians, one should look beyond outward qualities such as appearance, intelligence, and social standing, but rather seek someone who embodies character, godly values, and sound principles. This couple will build their lives together based on a covenant marriage, and not a contractual one that involves rights, privileges, conditions, and an escape clause. Christians view marriage as a covenant modelled after God’s covenant with us, where we are committed to love till death do us part. In contrast, the world operates on contractual marriage, which is why Apostle Paul asked us not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers in a marriage.
Sermon Series: Blessed Wives, Blessed Lives
幸福快乐直到永远？
以弗所书 5:15-17 你们要谨慎行事，不要像愚昧人，当像智慧人。要爱惜光阴，因为现今的世代邪恶。不要做糊涂人，要明白主的旨意如何。
每个人都渴望拥有一场精彩的婚礼庆典，并透过一段蒙福的婚姻关系过上从此幸福快乐的日子。然而，现今的世代邪恶，因为我们看到社会中充斥着许多破碎的婚姻。一些过去被视为禁忌的行为，如今却变得司空见惯。世代邪恶，也因为有些人将婚姻当作追求更好生活的工具，许多同居关系更是源于情欲，而非出于真爱。
离婚所带来的情感和心理创伤，往往在孩子心中留下长达数十年的痛苦；他们因被遗弃所产生的不安全感、恐惧和伤痛，以及缺乏榜样的成长环境，可能导致他们日后在关系中面临诸多困难，除非他们遇见基督。因此，以为孩子长大后自然就会没事，是一种不明智的想法；而在婚姻中逃避面对问题、不愿意努力经营的态度，则是一种自私的表现。因为在这堕落破碎的世界里，没有哪一段婚姻是完美无缺的。
那些正在交往、预备步入婚姻的人，必须具备成熟的心智，懂得处理冲突、解决分歧。如果一个人还不够成熟，自我为中心、缺乏牺牲精神、斤斤计较，那么他最好等到预备好接受一个不完美的配偶时，再考虑进入婚姻。婚后会有许多意料之外的发现，包括情感的包袱、性格的缺陷、疾病的挑战，以及各种突发的生活状况，这都需要你愿意陪伴你的配偶一起走过。个人主义是婚姻的杀手。你也必须记住，人不可能靠自己改变配偶，除非神亲自介入，而且对方也愿意被改变。
每一个人都是独特的。若期望在婚后改变对方，或以为这种改变会很快发生，那只是幻想而已。若你认为可以在婚后改变你的配偶，最终你只会感到非常沮丧。请记得，唯有当你预备好将婚姻视为一段需要彼此付出、互相让步、接纳对方软弱，并不断施予恩典的旅程时，你才算是真正预备好进入婚姻。因为“分别为圣”是夫妻双方一生之久的过程。我们不该欺骗自己，以为婚前无法和好的关系，在婚后就会自动变得更好。因此，交往的时间不宜太短；即使是包办婚姻，也应至少先认识对方，并有机会经历彼此的差异、学习和解的过程之后，再进入婚姻的盟约。
作为基督徒，我们在寻找人生伴侣时，不应只注重外在条件，如外貌、聪明才智或社会地位，乃是要寻求那位拥有良好品格、敬虔价值观和正直原则的人。这样的一对将会在婚姻中，以盟约关系作为他们共同建造人生的根基，而不是以一种着重权利、特权、条件与退场机制的合约关系来维系彼此。基督徒看待婚姻，是以神与我们所立的圣约为榜样—这是一种终身委身的爱，是彼此立志相爱直到死亡将我们分开。相较之下，这世界所持守的婚姻观多是以合约为基础的；也正因如此，使徒保罗才劝勉我们，在婚姻的事上不可与不信的人同负一轭。
讲章系列：蒙福的妻子，蒙福的人生
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