Ephesians 5:25 (NKJV) Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
In epistle to the church of Ephesus, God spoke through the Apostle Paul regarding how the husband should love the wife as himself. The husband is expected to lay down his life for his wife and love her as Christ love the church. The husband and wife have been told to submit to one another in reverential fear of God. We honor, love and worship God. We would want to walk in His will and His ways. The Word of God is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. The Word of God guides us regarding everything in life and in this case will be in the area of our marriage.
There is a role of a man and a woman and a role of the husband and wife. It is very clear regarding the difference of gender and the roles that we have in the Bible.
We have to deal very carefully in regard to how we look at the position of our wives. On one extreme, there are certain cultures where the women have no standing in the family and society. They are not allowed to air their views or even be seen in meetings. On the other extreme, there is a demand for equal rights, privileges and a strong advocate for individualism where it is a deathbed for many marriages. What we need is a biblical view and for the couple to enter into the marriage with clarity.
The perception of the roles and responsibilities could be influenced by our environment and culture. Unfortunately, these roles and responsibilities that come from our cultures and traditions might not be correct or inline with what the Bible teaches. In fact, the different ideas, perceptions, traditions, teachings and family practices might just be the reason why some of us are having challenges and this problem can be amplified in a cross cultural marriage. The expectations are different and if it is not communicated, it will cause a strain in the marriage. There are those who come from a very traditional background and others from a more open minded family. What our parents have been practicing as a couple might not be what we want in our marriage. Therefore, it is imperative that we take time to talk and discuss until we come to an agreement regarding how to move forward. The best solution as a couple is to use the Bible as a yardstick and guide to ensure that we are on the same page.
We cannot afford to deal with issues later into the marriage and hope that it will work out on itself. It is better to take time to come to an agreement because it can potentially break the marriage. It is especially true when the couple holds on to individualism and view marriage as a contract.
A role is a position that you take to ensure you take the responsibility that the work and area covered is done to the best of your ability with the help of God. Man is the spiritual leader of the house. The role of the husband cannot be replaced and nobody can replace the role of the father. There should be a clear target and vision of how our marriage will look like in 20, 30 and 50 years. It will be a blessed marriage with an extended families. There will be laughter, love and warmth.
The spiritual leader leads by example in bearing the fruit of the Holy Spirit. He guides them to walk in the ways of the Lord in the area of moral values and principle. He models the prayer life for them. He leads them to worship in a local church, participate in serving and running with the church vision. He models to them what a Christian marriage looks like. He shows them what it means to be a good steward of money and possessions.
Similarly, the role of a wife cannot be replaced as there is only one wife. The mother is the only one who gives birth and nobody is able to replace, bond, love and care for the children better than her.
Hence, the role of a husband, father, wife and mother cannot be replaced while the other roles are flexible when it comes to ensuring the house to be run well and maintained.
Both the husband and wife need to sit down to identify the gifts and talents in order to know who works better in a specific area! This will help them clarify their roles, responsibilities and expectations. God is on their side and the Holy Spirit is always ready to come and help if we ask Him for wisdom.
Sermon series: Before You Say I Do
丈夫和妻子, 不可替换的角色
以弗所书 5:25 你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，正如基督爱教会，为教会舍己。
在给以弗所教会的书信中，神使用使徒保罗说出丈夫应当如何爱妻如已：丈夫当准备好愿意为妻子舍命，如基督爱教会般爱她。也教导夫妻都当敬畏上帝，彼此顺服。我们荣耀神、爱神、敬拜神，我们愿意按照祂的旨意行在祂的道上。上帝的话语是我们脚前的灯、路上的光。上帝的话语可引导我们生命中的一切，包括我们的婚姻。
男人有男人的角色、女人有女人的角色；丈夫有丈夫的角色、妻子有妻子角色。关于性别差异及男女各自的角色，在圣经中有非常清楚的教导。
我们必须非常小心我们看待妻子的立场。一种极端是在一些文化中，妇女在家庭和社会中没有地位。她们不能发表意见，甚至不能出席或参加任何会议。另一个极端是主张权利平等、特权、强烈倡导个人主义，这让许多婚姻成为爱情坟墓的原因。我们需要的是一种圣经的观点，让夫妻双方概念清晰地进入婚姻。
环境和文化可以左右我们对这个角色和责任的观点。遗憾的是，来自我们的文化和传统对这些角色和责任的界定，可能不正确甚至偏离圣经的教导。其实观念、看法、传统、教义和家庭文化上的差异，可能就是部分婚姻面临挑战的根源，而在跨文化婚姻中这个问题会更加被放大。期望不同加上没有沟通，将导致婚姻关系紧张。有些人来自非常传统的背景，有些来自较开放的家庭氛围。我们可能也不想在婚姻中照着父母经营他们婚姻的模式。因此，我们有必要花时间讨论再讨论，直到达成共识为止。作为一对夫妇，最好的解决办法是用圣经作为衡量标准，让双方有一致的观点。
我们承受不起进入婚姻后才处理后来出现的问题，或希望问题将会自己消失。婚前花些时间来磨合胜过婚后关系破裂。特别是坚持个人主义，认为婚姻是一纸合同的夫妻，尤其需要如此行。
角色，是你所承担的职位，是在上帝的帮助下，尽所能地为你的工作和领域负起责任。男人是家庭的属灵领袖。丈夫这个角色是不可替代的，父亲也是无可取代的角色。对20、30和50年后的婚姻应当如何，双方应该有明确的目标和异象。这样的婚姻是一个蒙福大家庭，充满笑声、爱和温暖。
属灵领袖以身作则，能带领家人结出圣灵的果子。他引导家庭成员们在道德价值和原则的领域里行在神的道上；他是家庭祷告生活的榜样；他带领家人在当地教会敬拜、回应教会异象的服事；他向世人展示了基督徒的婚姻的样式；他在世人面前是个善于管理金钱和财产的好管家。
妻子的角色不能被替代，因为只有一个妻子。母亲的角色也无可替代，只有她可以生育，也没有人能够替代她与孩子的亲密无间，或比她更能爱护和照顾孩子。
因此，丈夫，父亲，妻子和母亲的角色不能被取代，而其他角色是可灵活的，比如考虑家庭事务的良好运作和维护。
夫妻双方都需要坐下来分析一下各自的恩赐和才干，以便知道谁做什么更好！这将帮助夫妻厘清各自的角色、责任和期望。当我们向祂求智慧，上帝永远会帮助我们、圣灵是我们需要智慧时随时的帮助。
讲章系列：步入红毯之前
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