Ephesians 5:23 (Amplified) For the husband is head of the wife, as Christ is head of the church, Himself being the Saviour of the body.
God’s plan for marriage is a covenant based on His covenant with us. Therefore, a Christian couple must agree on their definition of marriage being a covenant instead of a contract. The Christian marriage must also be founded on the three kinds of love. The couple will first be the best of friends¾ Philia love. They will love each other with God’s Agape love, an unconditional love. Finally, they will culminate in Eros love, being romantic with each other, and being attracted to each other intimately. Phila and Eros love do not make a strong foundation because these two kinds of love are conditional; Agape love is needed.
Husbands should take the role of spiritual leadership of the household and spearhead the marriage. When this principle is understood by a couple, the wife will expect her husband to love God and her and lead the family with God’s values and principles. She will also expect him to honour the marriage covenant by loving her with the three kinds of love.
A husband should initiate the discussion of important topics with his wife and let her know that her perspectives and expectations matter to him. He is essentially saying that his wife’s feelings of being loved, secure and grounded are all important to him—it is love in action. When plans to have children are discussed, the husband can safely communicate his expectations to his wife regarding who will look after their kids. This major decision should be made and agreed upon based on the values and principles they hold on to before marriage rather than waiting until the baby arrives to avoid straining and potentially breaking the marriage.
Titus 2:4-5 (NKJV) that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.
The couple also needs to discuss how important they see the bonding between mother and child, and agree that they, as parents, should take upon themselves the responsibility to inculcate the right values and train the children’s character, especially during their formative years, rather than letting the child grow up with the values of the in-laws or caregiver. This way, the wife will not feel trapped, upset, irritated, put down, or even bitter by having to sacrifice by staying home to look after the children during the formative years of their lives.
Conflicts in marriages often stem from unspoken or unrealistic expectations. Therefore, it is crucial for couples to engage in open discussion and set realistic expectations. This will significantly reduce the potential for conflict arising from unmet expectations.
Sermon Series：Before You Say “I Do” (Lesson 3 & 4)
讨论并设定期望
以弗所书5:23 因为丈夫是妻子的头，如同基督是教会的头，他又是教会全体的救主。
神的婚姻计划是基于祂与我们所立的盟约。因此，基督徒夫妻必须就他们对婚姻的定义达成一致，将婚姻定义为盟约而非契约。在基督里的婚姻也必须建立在三种爱的基础上。一对情侣首先会成为最好的朋友，即 Philia友谊之爱。他们将以神无条件的爱, 即Agape的爱，彼此相爱。最后，他们将被彼此的浪漫和亲密吸引在Eros情欲之爱中达到高潮。友谊之爱和情欲之爱并不能建立牢固的基础，因为这两种爱是有条件的；我们更需要Agape无条件的爱。
丈夫应该扮演家中的属灵领袖角色，并在婚姻中起带头作用。当一对夫妻理解了这一原则，妻子会期望丈夫爱神和爱她，并用 神的价值观和原则带领家庭。妻子也希望丈夫用这三种爱来爱她，从而履行婚姻盟约。
丈夫应该主动与妻子讨论重要话题，并让妻子知道她的观点和期望对他来说是很重要的。他实质上是在说，妻子被爱、安全和踏实的感觉对他来说都很重要，这就是爱的行动。当讨论生孩子的计划时，丈夫可以放心地向妻子表达关于谁来照顾孩子的期望。这一重大决定应该根据他们在婚前坚持的价值观和原则做出并达成一致，而不是等到孩子出生后才做出，以避免婚姻破裂。
提多书 2:4-5 好指教少年妇人爱丈夫，爱儿女， 谨守，贞洁，料理家务，待人有恩，顺服自己的丈夫，免得神的道理被毁谤。
这对夫妇还需要讨论他们认为母亲和孩子之间的纽带有多么重要，并同意作为父母，他们应该承担起灌输正确价值观和培养孩子性格的责任，尤其是在孩子的成长期，而不是让孩子在公婆或照顾者的价值观下成长。这样，妻子就不会因为在孩子的成长期不得不牺牲自己在家照顾孩子而感到困顿、不安、恼怒、沮丧甚至痛苦。
婚姻中的冲突往往源于未言明或不切实际的期望。因此，夫妻双方进行公开讨论并设定现实的期望至关重要。这将大大减少因期望落空而引发冲突的可能性。
讲章系列：步向红毯之前（第三和第四课）
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