Ephesians 5:25 (Amplified) Husbands, love your wives [seek the highest good for her and surround her with a caring, unselfish love], just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her
Understanding the different types of love is crucial in building a strong marriage. According to the book, Before You Say “I Do” by H. Norman Wright and Wes Roberts, there are three distinct kinds of love. Philia is a friendship-type love which is built on companionship, communication, and cooperation. Eros is a romantic and sensual love that seeks sensual expression and is inspired by the biological structure of human nature. In a healthy marriage, the husband and wife will love each other romantically and erotically. Agape is a self-giving love, a gift love that goes on loving even when the other becomes unlovable.
If we build a marriage based on Philia and Eros love only, the foundation will not be solid. This is because Philia love is conditional, meaning “if you love me, I will love you”. Neither should a marriage be built solely on Eros love because it is impulsive and highly conditional. We are a three-part being, namely body, soul and spirit. Both romantic and friendship love are found in the area of the soul, which comprises our emotional and physical senses. Both will fade when our personal interests, criteria, conditions, limitations, and rights are violated. When we no longer feel loved or want to love, it will lead to the failure of the marriage. When couples say they don’t feel like they love their spouse any more, their marriage is most likely built on Philia and Eros love.
Agape love is not a passive experience but a choice we actively make. It’s a personal commitment, a love that mirrors Christ’s sacrificial, unconditional, eternal, and kind love for us. It’s a love that is considerate, thoughtful, and responsive to the needs of our loved ones. Agape is about contentment and forgiveness. It’s a love that is inherent in us as believers, a love encompassing God’s nature.
It is crucial that you and your spouse agree on whether you view marriage as a conditional contract or a lasting covenant. Open and honest discussions about your expectations with your spouse are essential. This will influence how you love and respond to them, particularly during challenging times.
Ephesians 5:31 (Amplified) For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined [and be faithfully devoted] to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.
Sermon Series： Before You Say “I Do” (Lesson 3 & 4)
爱与婚姻
以弗所书5:25 你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，正如基督爱教会，为教会舍己。
了解不同类型的爱对于建立牢固的婚姻是至关重要的。根据H. Norman Wright和Wes Roberts合著的《步向红毯之前》，书上说到三种不同的爱。Philia是一种友谊型的爱，建立在伴侣关系、沟通和合作的基础上。Eros是一种浪漫和感性的爱，寻求感性的表达，由人的生理本性所启发。在健康的婚姻中，丈夫和妻子会浪漫和感性地爱着对方。Agape是一种自我奉献的爱，是一种给与的爱，即使对方变得不可爱，也会继续去爱。
如果我们的爱只建立在Philia和Eros爱的基础上，婚姻的基础就不会牢固。这是因为Philia的爱是有条件的，意思是“如果你爱我，我就爱你”。婚姻也不应该仅仅建立在Eros的爱上，因为它是冲动和高度有条件的。我们是由灵，魂和体三者构成的。浪漫和友谊的爱都存在于魂的领域，包括我们的情感和身体感官。当我们的个人利益、标准、条件、限制和权利受到侵犯时，这两种爱都会消退。当我们不再感受到爱或不想去爱时，就会导致婚姻失败。当一对夫妻说他们觉得不再爱自己的配偶时，他们的婚姻很可能是建立在Philia和Eros的爱上。
Agape的爱不是一种被动的体验，而是我们积极做出的选择。这是一种个人的承诺，及反映基督对我们牺牲、无条件、永恒和满有恩慈的爱。这是一种体贴周到的爱，并且对我们所爱之人的需要会做出回应。Agape是关于满足和宽恕的。这是我们作为信徒所固有的一种爱，包含了上帝本性的爱。
你和你的配偶将婚姻视为有条件的契约还是永恒的盟约的共鸣上需达成一致，这是至关重要的。与你的配偶开诚布公的讨论你的期望是有必要的。这将会影响你如何爱和回应对方，尤其是在困难时期。
以弗所书5:31 为这个缘故，人要离开父母，与妻子连合，二人成为一体。
讲章系列：步向红毯之前（第三和第四课）
Image Source: pixabay.com