James 1:21-22 (NKJV) Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls. But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.
Marriage relationships are easily affected or strained by words, attitudes, actions, and behaviour. The devil’s tactic is to divide and conquer, but the more he attempts to divide, the more we need to cling to our spouse through love and forgiveness.
Conflict has been defined as a clash, contention, or sharp disagreement over interests or ideas. Conflict is a fact of life and inevitable in a marriage. The reason why conflict occurs is that we are all imperfect human beings whom God graciously loves. Each of us has our desires, wants, needs, and goals. Whenever any of these differ from those of another, conflict may occur. Also, our beliefs, ideas, attitudes, feelings, and behaviours differ, but the problem is not the differences, rather, our reactions to them.
Different personality types react differently to conflicts. Not everyone is comfortable facing a confrontation, though some thrive in an antagonistic situation. The greatest fear for certain people is criticism and even a small comment will be blown out of proportion. Therefore, one needs to be wise to know how and when to confront somebody. The chances of straining and breaking a relationship are high if the confrontation fails to have a proper closure. Therefore, it’s better not to confront, but pray for the person unless it’s necessary when moral and ethical values are being violated.
Constant confrontation over minor matters will create a toxic environment whether in the office or the home. One should extend grace, let go, and be empathetic and patient. This is why defining roles and responsibilities and communicating expectations are necessary in a marriage to make it easier to manage future conflicts.
In the book Before You Say “I Do” by H. Norman Wright & Wes Roberts, the 5 ways to deal with conflicts are:
Yield – When the issue at hand is not important to you but it is more important to the other party.
Withdraw – Withdrawing should only be a temporary action because it doesn’t resolve the conflict. It will only postpone the resolution to a more appropriate time. It is helpful in allowing both parties to cool down or when the children are around.
Win – Win only when the issue at hand is a moral or a life-and-death issue.
Compromise – This is to help the other person give a little as well. But never compromise on values and principles. This is one step towards resolving an issue.
Resolving – It will require two people to discuss, listen, and arrive at a solution together. The solution could be an enhancement of one party’s initial suggestion. This tends to be the highest value.
Are we able to enjoy a home filled with warmth and love? Absolutely! Jesus promised us an abundant life and it begins the moment we receive Christ.
Sermon Series: Before You Say I Do (Lesson 9 & 10)
我们都是不同且不完美的
雅各书 1:21-22 所以，你们要撇开一切的污秽和罪恶，以温柔的心领受所栽种的道，这道能拯救你们的灵魂。只是你们要行道，不要单单听道，自己欺哄自己。
婚姻关系很容易受到言语、态度、行动和行为的影响而变得紧张。 魔鬼的策略是制造分裂来攻克，但牠越是试图分裂，我们就越需要通过爱和宽恕来亲近我们的配偶。
冲突被定义为利益或想法上的分歧、争论或尖锐的对立。 冲突是生活和婚姻中不可避免的事实。 冲突之所以发生，是因为我们都是被上帝以恩典爱着却不完美的人。 我们每个人都有自己的欲望、需求、需要和目标。 每当这其中的任何一项与他人不同时，就可能发生冲突。 此外，我们的信仰、想法、态度、感受和行为也有所不同，但问题不在于差异，而在于我们对它们的反应。
不同的性格对冲突的反应不同。 尽管有些人在具对抗性的情况下也能茁壮成长，但并不是每个人都能坦然的面对冲突。 有些人最怕的是被批评，即使是很小的评语也会被放大。 因此，一个人需要有智慧地知道如何和在什么时间与某人对质。 如果对质失败，并未能很好的收尾，那么关系就很可能会变得紧张和破裂。 因此，除非违反了道德和伦理价值观，否则最好不要当面对质，而是为这个人祷告。
无论是在办公室还是在家里，不断地为小事发生冲突都会造成有害的环境。 人应该延伸恩典、放下、有同理心和有耐心。 这就是为什么在婚姻中定义角色和责任以及沟通期望是必要的，以便更容易管理未来的冲突。
根据赖诺曼（H. Norman Wright）和罗威斯（Wes Roberts）合著的《走向红毯之前》”一书中，处理冲突的 5 种方法是：
让步 —— 当对方非常看重这问题，而对你却是无关紧要的。
回避离开 —— 回避离开只能是暂时的行动，因为它不能解决冲突。 它只能将解决方案推迟到更合适的时间。 这有助于让双方冷静下来或当孩子们在身边时。
分出胜负 —— 只有当眼前的问题是关乎道德或生死存亡时才争取获胜。
妥协 —— 这是为了换取对方的一点退让。 但绝不要在价值观和原则上妥协。 这是迈向解决问题的一步。
解决 —— 需要双方一起讨论、倾听并达成解决方案。 解决方案也许是一方最初建议的改良版。 这是最有价值的。
我们能够享受一个充满温暖和爱的家吗？ 当然！ 耶稣应许我们丰盛的生命，这生命从我们接受基督的那一刻就开始了。
讲章系列：走向红毯之前 (第九和十章)
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