James 1:19–20 (NKJV) So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
For a marriage to be successful, we must have God in the centre of our lives, but we also need good communication with our spouse. Many marriages fail because of breakdown of communication or the lack thereof.
It is important to listen well when someone is communicating with us. According to the book Before You Say “I Do” by H. Norman Wright & Wes Roberts, “when we are truly listening to another person, we are not thinking about what we are going to say when he or she stops talking. We are not busy formulating a response. We are concentrating on what is being said. Listening is also complete acceptance without judgement of what is said or how it is said. Often we fail to hear the message because we don’t like the message or the tone of voice. We react and miss the meaning of what is being said”. “By acceptance, we do not mean agreeing with everything that is being said. Acceptance means understanding that what the other person is saying is something he or she feels. Real listening means that we should be able to repeat both what the other person has said and what we thought he or she was feeling when speaking to us”.
In a covenant marriage, we are “one flesh” with our spouse. Therefore, your spouse is the only soul mate in your life, and you are to share life together. They wouldn’t want to hear from someone else regarding some of the challenges you are facing in life. Therefore, the communication between you should involve sharing thoughts and feelings from the depths of your hearts and detailed sharing of what you are going through. Be a good listener and don’t decide for your spouse whether it is important information or not.
A couple must not be too busy to the point of having no time for face-to-face communication. It is best not to communicate through text messages because people tend to over-read between the lines. Face-to-face meetings allow looking into the eyes, listening to the tone, and observing facial expressions and body language. We will be able to have deeper conversations and clarify without allowing the devil to divide and conquer.
A couple should clearly communicate their expectations in roles and responsibilities to reduce conflict, and when conflicts occur, the decision to walk in the Spirit rather than yield to the flesh is what will help them to grow spiritually together, because as they choose to walk in love rather than in the flesh, they are exercising the spiritual muscle.
Sermon Series: Before You Say I Do (Lesson 9 & 10)
共同成长
雅各书1:19-20 我亲爱的弟兄们，这是你们所知道的。但你们各人要快快地听，慢慢地说，慢慢地动怒， 因为人的怒气并不成就神的义。
要让婚姻要成功，我们必须让上帝成为我们生命的中心点，但我们也需要与配偶有良好的沟通。许多婚姻失败都是因为沟通失败或缺乏沟通。
当有人与我们交流时，认真倾听是很重要。根据赖诺曼（H. Norman Wright）和罗威斯（Wes Roberts）所著的《步向红毯之前》，“当我们真正倾听一个人说话时，我们不会同时在想等他或她说完后我们要说些什么。我们也不会忙着制定回应方案。我们会专注于对方所说的内容。倾听也意味着完全接纳说话的内容或方式，不加以评判。我们经常因为不喜欢所听到的信息或语气而无法听到对方所表达的。我们做出反应，却错过了信息中真正的含义”。 “接纳并不是指同意对方所说的一切。接纳指的是理解对方所说的是他或她的感受。真正的倾听意味着我们可以重复对方所说的话，以及我们认为对方在与我们交流时的感受。
在婚姻的盟约中，我们与配偶是“一体”的。因此，你的配偶是你生命中唯一的灵魂伴侣，你们要共同分享生活。他们不想从别人那里听到你在生活中正面临一些挑战。因此，你们之间的沟通应该包括分享内心深处的想法和感受，以及详细的分享你们正在经历的事情。要做一个好的倾听者，不要替你的配偶决定信息是否重要。
一对夫妻不能忙到没有时间进行面对面的交流。最好不要通过短信沟通，因为人们往往会过度解读言外之意。面对面的交谈能有眼神对视，听到语气，并能观察到面部表情和肢体语言。我们将能够有深度的对话并澄清疑虑，不让魔鬼有机会制造分裂和攻克。
夫妻应该清楚地沟通他们对角色和责任的期望，以减少冲突，当冲突发生时，顺着圣灵而不是顺着顺着肉体行事将能够帮助他们共同在灵里成长，因为当他们选择凭爱心行事而不是肉体时，他们是正在锻炼属灵的力量。
讲章系列：步向红毯之前 (第九和第十课）
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