Proverbs 15:4 (AMP) A soothing tongue [speaking words that build up and encourage] is a tree of life, But a perversive tongue [speaking words that overwhelm and depress] crushes the spirit.
Someone once said, “Constructive criticism is when I give you feedback and criticism is when you give me feedback.” Well, unless we are executive coaches, there is only judgmental and opinionated criticism. There are very few people who have the right to speak into our lives and they can only do so if there is a very strong foundation of unconditional love established in the relationship.
Humans are not animals. We do not need to tame them through shouting or physical torture in order to bring them into subjection. Instead we should earn the respect of the people around us, our children and our subordinates. We do not demand respect because it can only be earned even if we hold a higher position. Neither can we break them in order to let them know who is the boss or who is in control.
We need to watch the tone, the facial expression, the body language, the volume and the words that are used because they are able to completely destroy a person.
For example, words like “You should know” said in an irritated and resentful tone can really pierce the heart and hurt someone. It not just the words, but the tone in which they are said in.
This is especially true when it is being said to a child or a weaker vessel. We must not allow rage or physical and verbal abuse to get the better of us as believers. We have been set free. It will affect a person’s confidence and self esteem if words are spoken in a condescending manner. The person may nor may not recover from the words spoken.
Another example of negative words that hurt :
The parents said to their daughter, “Why do you need to study so much and waste our money? You are just a girl!”
“I used to feel very hurt when my mom said that I am only a girl, and I don’t carry the family last name after I am married. So they gave preferential treatment to my brother. I used to think when I was younger – is it my fault that I was born a girl and not a boy?”
Sometimes, words like these can cause females to pursue goals throughout their lives in order to prove to themselves that they are better than their male counterparts. The females may even react negatively to the Scripture that says women are the “weaker vessel” (1 Peter 3:7). We should always be careful how we say certain things to children. They are fragile emotionally and can be timid in their spirit. We should be careful not to use words like “loser”, “not amount to anything”, “stupid”, “idiot” or other vulgarities. These can cause permanent scarring in them. Our words set the atmosphere in our homes.
Ephesians 4:29a (AMP) Do not let unwholesome [foul, profane, worthless, vulgar] words ever come out of your mouth
We are to walk in love which is the hallmark of Christ’s followers.
Sermon Series: Ouch! It Hurts! (Part 2)
乖谬的嘴压碎灵魂
箴言15:4温良的舌 【说出鼓励，造就人的话语】是生命树；乖谬的嘴 【说出伤害人和丧气话】 使人心碎。
有人曾经说过，“当我给你反馈时，那是建设性的批评，而当你给我反馈时，那就是批评。”好吧，除非我们是一个企业高管（有权柄的人），不然就只存在判断的批评和自以为是的批评。并不是每个人都有权柄对我们的生命说话，只有在关系中建立了无条件的爱的坚实基础，他们才能这样做。
人类非同动物，我们不需要通过叫喊或施加身体上的折磨使他们服从。我们应该去赢得我们身边人、孩子和下属的尊重。不能强求别人的尊重，即使我们拥有更高的职位和地位，也只能努力赢得尊重。我们也不应该为了让他们知道谁是老板或谁是管事者而打击他们。
我们需要注意语调，面部表情，肢体语言，音量和措辞，因为它们能够彻底地摧毁一个人。
例如像“你应该知道”这类词，若以恼怒的，愤恨的语气说出来是真的扎心且伤人。措辞加上语气，简直能伤人于无形。尤其是当你对一个孩子或一个比较软弱的肢体以这种语气说话的时候。作为信徒，我们决不能让愤怒或身体和言语虐待在我们的生命中占上风，（在灵里）我们已经被释放，是自由身，如果我们以居高临下的方式说话，会严重影响一个人的自信和自尊心，此人可能也可能无法从话语所带来的伤害中恢复过来。
另一个负面词语伤人的例子：
家长对女儿说，“你为什么要读那么多年的书，浪费我们的钱？你只是个女孩！”当我妈妈说我只是个女孩，而且我结婚后不带家族姓氏，因此他们会偏袒弟弟给他更多的优待和爱，这让我非常受伤。我小时候常想，我的性别是女生难道是我的错吗？
有时候，这种因自己是女生而被家人区别对待所带来的创伤会让女性终生追求各种目标，以证明自己比男性更优秀。女性甚至可能对圣经中说女性是“软弱的器皿”（彼得前书3:7）的说法产生负面反应。我们对孩子们说某些话时应该非常小心。他们情感脆弱，灵里胆怯。我们应该小心不要使用如“失败者”、“一无是处”、“愚蠢”、“白痴”或其他粗俗的词语。它们可能留下永久疤痕，家庭有什么样的氛围取决于我们的话语。
以弗所书 4:29 污秽的言语一句不可出口，只要随事说造就人的好话，叫听见的人得益处。
我们要在爱中行走，这是基督追随者的标志。
讲章系列：哎哟！很伤人啊！（第二部分）