James 3:8 (NKJV) But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
Example: A husband said to his wife, “Are you sure you were even pregnant?” The wife was experiencing abdominal pains at the time and the husband’s cold response was so that he didn’t have to deal with the miscarriage as he was too busy and stressed with work. The second time his wife had a miscarriage which was confirmed by a doctor, the wife locked the door for 1 day and refused to let husband comfort or speak to her as a self-protection mechanism.
While there were hurtful words uttered, it was the unspoken words that hurt even more. The unspoken word was that his job was more important than his wife. She is one flesh with him. In the eyes of God, both persons are in a covenant relationship where they have committed to face all the tribulations as a single unit. This is the problem of the present-day society where we have elevated our identities in the corporate world above the values of God. It affects the way we speak and behave because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth will speak. The words and actions by the husband would possibly have resulted in resentment, unforgiveness, bitterness and indifference from the wife towards him. If they are not dealt with properly then they would cause a wedge in the marriage and the devil will make use of this situation.
A prayer of restoration would help the couple to move past the hurt and resentment caused by the hurtful words. Although the wife may have swept the painful words under the carpet, the husband needs to ask the wife for forgiveness for the hurt and grief that he brought to her heart and to acknowledge that it was selfish of him to let her go through such an experience alone. For example in the above situation, the husband could say, “Dear, I am very sorry for the hurtful words that I said when we lost our baby. I am terribly sorry for not being by your side to take time to grieve and comfort you during the time you were suffering alone. Will you forgive me? I will work on journeying together in life with you both in good and in bad times.” And the wife should share the grief and anguish that she experienced during this painful period and respond by forgiving her husband so that there is closure and her wounds can begin to heal. They should pray together. When we release the person who has caused us pain through their words or actions, the past experience should not be brought up again as a means to attack the other person. We have to remind ourselves that we have chosen to forgive as the other person has asked for forgiveness. This would help the one forgiving to heal emotionally.
Proverbs 18:21(NKJV) Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.
The power of the words on our lips cannot be overestimated. We will eat the fruit or reap the results of what we have spoken from our lips!
Sermon Series: Ouch! It Hurts! (Part 2)
伤人的话语
雅各书 3:8惟独舌头没有人能制伏，是不止息的恶物，满了害死人的毒气。
例如：丈夫说:“你真的确定自己怀孕了吗?”妻子当时正经历着腹痛，而丈夫如此冷漠地回应好使自己置身事外不必应对这次流产，因为他的工作使他应付不暇且压力山大。医生确认这已经是他妻子第二次流产了。妻子一整天都紧锁房门，拒绝丈夫的安慰，也不想听他说话，开启自我保护机制。
有些伤人的话形诸言语，而那些没有说出口的话才更加伤人。这位丈夫的言下之意就是他的工作比他的妻子更重要。而她与他是一体的。在上帝的眼中，二者同处于盟约的关系，在此约中，他们委身作为一个整体共同面对所有的患难。而这正是当今社会的问题，我们把自己在职场的身份置于神的价值观之上，这影响了我们的言行举止。因为心中所充满的，口里就说出来。丈夫的言语和行为可能导致了妻子对他的怨恨、不原谅、痛苦和冷漠。如果处理不当，就会使婚姻产生裂痕，而魔鬼就能趁隙而入。
修复的祷告对这对夫妻摆脱由伤人的言语造成的伤痛和怨恨有很大帮助。尽管妻子可能已经把伤人的话语所带来的伤害压藏在心底假装若无其事。丈夫仍是需要向妻子请求原谅，饶恕他的言语行为给她心灵所带来的伤害和痛苦，并向她承认因着他的自私才使她独自经历了这一切。比如在上述状况下，丈夫可以这么说：“亲爱的，我很抱歉，当我们失去了孩子时我对你说出伤人的话。我非常抱歉，在你独自受苦的时候，我没有陪在你身边花时间与你共同分担这悲痛并安慰你。你能原谅我吗？我将努力与你同行生命的旅程，无论顺境还是逆境。”妻子则应该分享在这段悲痛的时期自己所经历的悲伤和痛苦，并对丈夫报以饶恕，好教此事翻篇，使她的伤口能够开始愈合。他们应当一起祷告。当我们对那个以言语或行为伤害我们的人释怀后，就不应重提旧事作为攻击对方的手段。我们要提醒自己，因着对方请求饶恕，我们已经选择了饶恕。这将帮助饶恕的那方得到情感的疗愈。
箴言18:21生死在舌头的权下，喜爱它的，必吃它所结的果子。
话语的力量不容小觑。我们终将自食言语所结的果子，或收获言语造成的后果！
讲章系列：哎呦！很伤人啊！(第二部分)